The closer Vegas got the more anxious I got. Babbo noticed and had me washing pots and pans so I’d not break anything. I spent most of my free time cooking things that Zane could make when I was gone. I knew he could take care of himself. He had been doing it long before I came along, but I wanted to leave him something of me behind. Other than the kitchen, his apartment still was very much his.
The day of my flight I was a complete mess though anyone outside of Zane or my parents was unlikely to notice. The fake smile plastered on my face hiding the jittering hands and the freaking out I was doing on the inside. I don’t know how much my father had to do with it, but Zane gave me a list of things I had to do while I was in Vegas. He grinned at me when he handed me the list. “Because you’ll just sit in your room and cook and fret, a list of things you have to do while you are in Vegas.” And he knew exactly what he was doing when he said it. Knew the precise reaction I’d have. For every time he protested againt my submission he used it to manipulate me. I never drew attention to it, knew if I did he’d stop, or worse we’d argue over it. I didn’t want to argue with Zane. Not over this. There was so many more important things that could be a topic of arguing. He liked our dynamic even if he said he didn’t.
I took the paper with a kiss as we waited outside of security. I had a good hour and a half before I actually had to be near the terminal. Chalk up my earliness to anxiety. My heart was pounding against my rib cage. I had my backpack, the rest had all ready been checked and would be loaded into the bottom of the plane when the time came. I only had to worry about me. Which was more than enough.
Zane had my phone in his hand and was tapping away while I shifted from foot to foot. I was going to miss him. I had refused to eat before we left, and again when we arrived at the air port. I hated flying. Hated it. Zane finished what he was doing on my phone and tucked it in my back pocket where it always went and wrapped his other arm around me so I was pressed against his body. I closed my eyes and placed my head on his shoulder and buried it against his neck. “I can’t do this.” I mumbled against his skin.
Zane softly rumbled as he laughed, not at me, not really. He pulled away from me. “You can. And you will.” He smiled at me. I nodded only to reassure him. I didn’t beleive it.
He glanced at his watch on his wrist and sighed. “You need to calm down, Angel.”
He patted my phone. “I added two playlists, one for when you miss me and the second for the flight.”
Zane handed me a bag he’d been carrying with him. “And this is to ease the flight. I hunted all over the City looking for something perfect for the job.”
I opened the bag and paper and found a rather large stuffed bear – it wasn’t exactly cute, but it wasn’t what the tag said “Ugly Snuglies”. I laughed, “Are you trying to say something about me, or you?”
Zane smirked. “Neither, it has pockets. And I dyed the hair tips like you do, that took forever. Drew laughed at me. But the pockets are full. It took a while, but I found the exact match – smell it.”
“Really, you want me to smell the bear?” I tried not to laugh.
Zane took the stuffed bear from my hands and pressed it to my face, which was probably more embarassing until I smelled Zane all over the bear. His cologne and bodywash. I took the bear in my hands and pulled it to my chest. And reached across the gap and pulled Zane against me, “God I love you.” I kissed him. “Thank you. I love it.”
We spent the next few minutes locked in each others arms. I sighed. “I don’t have anything for you. But your freezer is full of food. But you knew that, you saw me put it there. With a pout you couldn’t eat it then.”
Zane laughed. “I can feed myself.”
I shrugged. “I know. But I like doing it. It’s my one thing to take care of you.”
Zane kissed my lips softly. “You take care of me plenty.” Our lips lingered and Zane pulled away in a huff. “You should go. Listen to the playlists, and call me when you land.”
I sighed and nodded. “I will.” This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I stalled for another few minutes wrapped around Zane then pressed a kiss to his lips and stepped away. I bit my bottom lip and took another step back and waved. A deep breath and I waved. “I love you.” I turned around and left Zane standing there watching me step through security. I turned back once and Zane waved then shooed me along. Fuck this was a lot harder than it should have been.
I made it to my terminal with forty-five minutes to wait until boarding. I sat down facing the gate and put an ear bud in and turned on the ‘Missing Zane’ playlist and pulled the bear up on my chest and buried my face in the long fur and wished I was holding Zane. My anxiety was through the roof. I could feel my t-shirt underneath my gray hoodie sticking to my skin. The first song played and when the voice started singing I restarted the song and put the other earbud in, sitting forward and holding the bear in my lap while I listened closely. Fuck!
I flipped to the second song and this one I knew for certain. These were Zane playing and singing… I pushed back to the first song and pulled an earbud out and pulled the bear back so I could wrap my arms around it and press my face into the soft scent of home. I listened to Zane play and sing and smelled his scent and calmed myself through that alone. By the time I was sitting on the plane my heart had calmed to a less threatening rate.
I had an aisle seat in first class… I hadn’t realized it at the time, but Mark had booked the flight like he would my father. Or someone else changed my plans… I room to freak out. It was only five and half more hours of this. And after take off I could drown completely in Zane.
I sent a text as the others were loading.
To Zane: I love it. Thank you. I love you. I already miss you.
Zane: I’m glad you like it. Ditto :) Now put your phone away!
I sighed just as the steward stopped next to me in his uniform and manicured nails. “We’ll be closing the doors in a few moments. I need to to turn your phone off.”
I looked at his name tag. “I was just about to, Robbie.”
He smiled, “Love the color.” He ran his over the tips of my hair. “I’m surprised he let you out of his sight.”
I looked up at him and he was smiling proudly, “Your wall paper, I assume that’s you and your boyfriend.”
“Ah.” I smiled. “He has business to deal with, or he’d be here with me.” I didn’t know that for certain, but I didn’t want Robbie to know that. I tucked my phone into my pocket and pulled the stuffed bear to me and focused on nothing but the scent of Zane while the take off proceedure happened. I couldn’t deal with anything else. Once in the air I’d be able to drown and that’s what I did for the next five and a half hours – drowned in Zane…