It was a long day. I had half expected to watch a set and then go to the security booth and fall asleep. I was tired, but Zion was hopping because House of Crowley was playing. Everything was busy and halfway through the night one of the bar tenders got sick. She ended up puking in the bathroom and sent home. And now short staffed meant Zane was going to be drained too when we got home. So I offered to help. I’d slung beers before. I’d worked Fiore’s bar, while it was no where near as busy as Zion and I was a lot slower than Zane, Zack or Drew in getting drinks. But I got decent tips so at least the patrons liked me.
I tried not to think about the song they had played shortly after I’d started behind the bar. I’d heard Zane humming it before when he didn’t think I was around. I hadn’t heard the words. Everything that came out of Devlin’s mouth went south. Every note sung made my mouth go dry. It wasn’t because of Devlin or the band that played it. I knew the next verse before he sang it, I could feel it in my bones. Zane wrote the song. It was about us, how he felt. I watched him catching himself, the words moved him. We didn’t share any words just kissed. It was all that needed to be said before we went back to work.
I was tired before, I was dead on my feet by the time we got back home. Zane laughed, “Such a light weight.”
I just nodded. I had worked a bussing shift at Fiore an hour before I started bar tending. So I was on my feet since the moment Zane pushed me out the door. I collapsed on top of the bed and closed my eyes. I think I drifted because the next thing I knew Zane was tugging me to sit up. I groaned at the movement but I complied. “I want to sleep.”
Zane laughed. “I know. But shower first, come on. I got you.”
I stumbled after Zane, I really just wanted to curl up in bed around my lover and go to sleep. I wanted to entomb myself with his scent because I knew in a short while I was leaving. Leaving our home, our bed, but mostly I was leaving Zane. I so fucking didn’t want to lose him, and that was my biggest fear. For both of us. Out of sight, out of mind. But even when we had been fighting Zane was never far from my mind. Those icey blue eyes haunted my dreams.
Zane turned on the hot water and set the temperature of the water before turning his attention to me. I grinned at him as he lifted my arms above my head and tugged my shirt off. “Are you pampering me?”
“No. I’m taking what I want.” He grinbed back at me.
“What do you what?” I teased sleepily.
“You naked for starters?” Zane smirked and took a step back.
I removed my khakis and boxers and stood naked before my lover. “Okay. You have that. Now what?” I asked.
Zane laughed, “Well I had intended on pampering you? Saying thank you for helping out.”
I took the few steps between us and draped my arms over Zane’s shoulders pressing my forehead to his, “Lover, you never need to thank me for helping you out. I am here for you, in everything.” I smirked, “But since you’ve gotten this far. I’d very much like for you to continue.” I yawned.
“This isn’t an order or some scene, you know this right? You can say no.” Zane frowned, “I know you are tired.”
“I never too tired for you, Zane.” I said. “And I know I can say no anytime I want.”
“You never do though.”
“I never want to, Zane.” I stepped away and leaned lazily against the sink counter. “I thought we were past this?”
“Me too. But you’re leaving. You’re going someplace even worse than here, were sex is the main attraction. You are going to be surrounded by people who want to get down and dirty, who are into the things you are into. Where does that leave me?” Zane shoved his hands through his hair and pulled in his lips in fustration. I dropped my eyes and stared at the floor. It didn’t matter now that I was standing there naked. After a few moments of strained silence Zane added. “I know you offered to stay. But you can’t miss this oppurtunity because of me. I won’t let you do what I did. My life could have been a whole lot different than it is now. I don’t want you to have regrets because of me.”
I sighed. “I will never regret you, Zane.” I grabbed my clothes and walked into the bedroom.
Zane called after me, “I thought we were past running away, where are you going, Angel?” He sounded broken and hurt.
“To bed.” I turned around to see Zane standing in the door way watching me. “I’m tired physically and mentally. I’m going to sleep. So count this as the first time I’ve said no to you.” I turned around and dropped everything but my boxers in the hamper. I sat at the edge of the bed and tugged them on.
“Angel?” Zane said quietly from the other side of the room where he stood. “Show me what you want?”
“What?” I asked.
“Show me. Show me exactly what you need from me to be happy.”
I sighed. I stalked over to Zane and growled as I lifted his shirt over his head roughly. And shoved his pants and boxers down around his ankles. I had to fight back the desire to take him right then to show him I wasn’t a submissive little shit he had to worry about. Maybe that’s what he needed to get over this. But I closed my eyes and put my hands on his chest. My voice was quiet in my anger. “This.” I ran my fingers over his chest and down to his hip. “Is all that I need.” I pressed a single finger to his lips. “I love this man in front of me. For all his insecurities, for all his ingenuinty and for all his faults. I love him. I need him, exactly as he is. I don’t want to change the man before me. And if we have to keep having these fights then so be it. I’m not walking away. I’m not going to find something better, or newer or more domineering. I don’t want that, Zane. I want you. In all your glory and flaws. This is the man I want and need and love. And if he can’t see that I really don’t know how to show him anything more than I already have.” I sighed. “Do you truly want me to submit completely to you, Zane? Show you the difference between me and a submissive?”
Zane shook his head. “No, I don’t want you submissive.”
“Have I been too submissive, Zane?” I asked.
Again he shook his head. “No, but…” He didn’t finish his sentence.
“But because of Ant you think I want it. If Ant weren’t my best friend and around, would you think I needed it?” I sighed.
“I don’t know. It’s not a kink that goes away. You either are or aren’t.”
“Did you ever stop and ask yourself why I submitted?” Zane shook his head. “Submission allowed me to get a large does of loss of control at one time. Enough to hold me through until the next time I felt overwhelmed with my life. Submission was an outlet for stress. Same as the tattoos for a different reason. With you.” I took a few steps back and stood in front of Zane out of reach. “With you, I get that in little things everyday. You decide if we go out to eat. You decide what movie to watch. Hell somedays you decide when it’s time to go to bed. You open the doors for me. You walked me home. You carry things. Zane, you take care of me. In every fucking possible way. I don’t have to submit to you, you take the heavy things from me without ever being asked to. You read my moods well. You make my life so fucking easy to walk through and you worry I’m going to leave you. Why the fuck would I leave the best thing to happen to me since my parents?”